Fathers: Are They Ever Good Enough
By Paul Subritzky
| Fatherhood is both an exciting challenge and an awesome responsibility. It contains the potential for enormous satisfaction, as fathers have the opportunity to build eternal values into their children’s lives. Dr James Dobson, renowned author and psychologist, notes in raising sons that “if you are honest, trustworthy, caring, loving, self-disciplined and God-fearing, your boys will be influenced by those traits as they age. If you are deeply committed to Jesus Christ and live by biblical principles, your children will probably follow in your footsteps.”i Promise Keepers believes that the vast majority of men have both the ability and the desire to be great dads. Yet often they lack encouragement and support for the role. The message they often receive on Father’s Day does not help this. On Mother’s Day, women are often deeply appreciated and affirmed in their roles and being a mother is celebrated and supported. Yet on Father’s Day, men receive a “how-to” list for being better fathers and husbands. This can be damaging. Instead of recognising their sacrifices and achievements as fathers, men are given the message that what they do is never good enough. This can lead some men to withdraw from their responsibilities as fathers, believing mothers are more capable and knowledgeable. Dr Dobson puts it like this: “Many fathers have a poor concept of what they’re supposed to do or how to get it done. Some have surrendered their authority at home and are either uninvolved or trying to nurture their children in ways that are more characteristic of mothers.”ii However, children need the combination of qualities and security that having both a mum and a dad provides. Studies from around the world show that “…violent crime, drugs and alcohol abuse, truancy, unwed pregnancy, suicide, psychological disorders - these all correlate more strongly to the absence of a biological married father in the home than with any other single factor.”iii
There are unique things fathers provide their children through what they say, but mostly it is what they do. They often provide more vigorous activities that teach their children the values of fair play, responsibility and letting off steam. Fathers can help guide them into new experiences and encourage them to risk and adventure as a balance to the nurturing that mothers provide. As Dr Pudney notes, fathers have a special role in affirming their sons’ identities. “While women can affirm boys as people, only fathers can affirm them as males.” Men play a vital role in the lives of both sons and daughters, affirming their identity and their purpose in life. Promise Keepers has observed that up to 50% of Christian men did not have a positive role model as a father. However, through the power of forgiving their father’s shortcomings it is possible to break the destructive cycle. We have the example of God as our loving Father as the model to adopt and show to our own children. Fatherhood is one of the most rewarding challenges a man will ever undertake because it can leave an eternal legacy for generations. It is not about being perfect, but it is about providing a positive masculine role model for our children. |
i Dobson, James. “Like Father, Like Son.” Focus on the Family, November 2001, pg 4.
ii Dobson, James. “Like Father, Like Son.” Focus on the Family, November 2001, pg 5.
iii Newman, Muriel. “Restoring Fatherhood.” NZCPR Weekly, 6 July 2008, http://www.nzcpr.com/Weekly137.pdf, pg 1.
iv Pudney, Warwick. “Men are Parents Too?” Auckland University of Technology Research Report 2002, http://intouch.aut.ac.nz/intouch/Research/knowledge_base/docs/PDFs/Annual%20Report%202002.pdf pg 18.